the bachelorette: ok, who's going to be the jackass?

why jesse is, of course.

see, i'm the perfect person to ask. why? well, because in real life if there's an emotionally unavailable (or otherwise, shall we say, 'inappropriate' guy) within a 100-mile radius, i will find him. if not, he will find me. trust me on this.

and for the record, they don't start off this way. they don't wear their 'inappropriateness' on the outside. oh no, no, no. i can assure you that they almost always initially appear as most excellent choices. it's only after weeks/months/years that the wolf emerges from behind the sheep's costume.

but enough about my dysfunctional relationship judging capabilities, and on to somebody else's ~ ali's!

see, what's even more impressive re: my uncanny ablility to chose the wanker out of the population is that i am now so good at it that i can make this assessment thru the television! i can also spot the perpetrator in about 28 seconds.

that being said, jesse was the only guy i liked when he came out of the limo. as in really liked, as in swooned. yes, i really liked him despite the fact that his little into/faux joke was hella retarded. ('so ali, do you like peculiar men?) um, seriously? please tell me that he did not just say that?

of course i panicked immediately upon hearing that total lameness and thought, uh oh, my bf is gonna get kicked off FOR SURE. but thankfully he made some gay 4th grade necklace and saved his beautiful yet soon-to-be-evil self for at least one more week.

yep ~ if someone has a tattoo/wife/girlfriend/baby/rap sheet/bench warrant at home, it's jesse.

stay tuned!

coming soon...

it's true! i'm actually going on a vacation that doesn't entail wearing a wristband or group dancing around a swimming pool that was built in the early 70's.

holla!

so i really wish i could say that the reason i haven't blogged in so long is because i haven't watched an ounce of crap tely since october... that i've been too busy traveling the world and re-reading all of my shakespeare books from college.

but, uhhh, that's not exactly true. in fact, i now think that i'm watching SO much crap tely that i'm completely overwhelmed and don't even know where to start.

not to mention, logging that many hours on the couch sure takes up a lot of time.

sigh. damn tiVo!

project runway: (((sweat beads)))

yes, i was dying last night. i obviously had some serious heart palpitations and major sweat beads going on when logan and epperson were on the chopping block. because let's face it ~ logan's oktoberfest costume was a million times worse. in fact, i think it was quite possibly the most hideous thing i have ever seen in five seasons.

i think we all knew that logan was in BIG trouble before he even left mood. i'm sorry dude, but you can't buy a fabric just because it's cheaper, or because you're getting extra yardage from it. because shit is shit! which means that you certainly don't need MORE of it. lord. not to mention his crazy idea that wool and wedding dress fabric went really well together... omfg.

but i can't even get in to how mortified i was by the rest of this concoction... it's too painful. but suffice it to say that when the two of them were standing there in front of the judges i thought, oh boy. that's it. he's d-o-n-e. i'm really sad that i won't be seeing his angelic face anymore, but he fucking SUCKS... but then i immediately thought, ohhhhh no, they won't get rid of him! they are going to save his ass again just like they did when he made that wretched prom dress. c'mon, they have to know that's why 90% of the straight girls and 100% of the gay guys are still watching this piece of crap season. they will save him... yes they will!

uh huh. all of that really went thru my head in a mere 15 seconds. impressive or frightening? you decide!

project runway: swamp thing

yahhhhhhhh that dress was totally flippin' hideous, wasn't it?!?!? and you know it's bad if it's a costume challenge and you still somehow manage to fuck that up. seriously, this is probably the one and only time you can get away with all of that crazy shit that's floating around in your head. and let's face it, this disco reptile fabric was not going to look good as a jumpsuit OR a dress OR as anything. EVER.

and is it just me, or do y'all get the impression that they are keeping logan on the show just because he's hot? (i know that's why i'm still watching.) obviously his designs are hardly mind-blowing. hell, they're not even good. but if he goes home, the fan club goes away. which means the ratings go down. (presuming it's even rating at all at this point.)

however, i will probably also stop watching if he starts slinging hash with carol hannah. seriously, who names their kid carol hannah? that's just way too strawberry shortcake for me. besides, i think that logan needs to hook up with amanda, the model that got stuck wearing the garden-frog-on-acid-dress. (c'mon, if the clothes are going to suck, at least they can update the drama quotient... right?) because really, even the worst season of the real world is still pretty entertaining.

just sayin'.

project runway: the logan show

ok, how scared was i last night when super babe was *this close* to getting kicked off the show... well, very scared.

oh his dress was totally hiddy, don't get me wrong. and he was getting wayyyy too much air time this week, which always means one of two things: 1) he has one of the top designs or 2) he has one of the shiteous designs. and it certainly didn't take me more than, oh, sixty seconds, to figure out which group he was going to end up in.

(((sweat beads)))

but forget about that bad prom-dress-on-acid. let's talk about how they have been starting off each episode with a quick shot of him getting ready in the morning. with wet hair. shirtless. in tight silver pants.

*drool*

and i don't know if michael kors is on some big gay cruise or something, but i miss him. however, thankfully this week they had that bitch-on-wheels stylist to be shitty for him. omg, she was mean. and brilliant. and i loved every second of it! tho i especially liked how right before she gave logan hell, she couldn't help herself and just had to say, "well, i will say that you are reallllly cute. and i really like your silver pants and shoes. nice. now, about that dress..."