summer saturdays

so instead of going up to temescal canyon and sitting with a ton of kids and visitors from the inland empire, on saturday M wanted to go to the gay beach. (of course.) well, i'm not quite sure when will rogers went from the "UCLA beach" to the "gay one", but i am exceptionally happy that it did!  granted, the water is like 3 miles from the parking lot, but well worth the effort. absofuckinglutely.

now my only question is: whyyyyyy did it take me so long to figure this out?  you mean this whole time i've been sitting with families of 20 (most of them swimming in their jeans, btw) and listening to screaming monkeys as they kick sand on my towel when i could have been sitting with total hotness????

*duh*

summer fridays

probably the best thing about my school. 

(porque tengo gusto de la playa mas que escuala!) 

but shit, who doesn't?

and what's wrong with tanorexia?

i was wondering if i was going get away with that one, miss h... HA! 

yes OF COURSE i find the whole sub plot of blayne and his tanning addiction hilarious, and obviously highly relatable. however, contrary to what you might think, i do try and keep my babbling to a minimum sometimes ~ that just happened to be one of the things that ended up in the trash can, conveniently enough.  :D

i also knew that i was the last person that should be making fun of him, seeing as how i used to go almost every day back in the late 80's. (hello, that's how i met steph ~ she worked at "contemporary tan"and would let me bake until my heart was content, usually about an hour at a time. fucking scary, i know.) what's even scarier is that i am pale now in comparison. really, you have no idea...

ok, back to the trash can ~ my exact notes (yes, i take them) read: "blayne. tanning whore. can't judge. he funny. like the part about how he's going to wilt away and die by the end of the show from paleness."

and since we're on the subject, the other snippet that ended up getting cut was when tim was introducing apollo to the kiddies ~ did anyone else notice how all of the designers were looking at him?  kenley had that *wink wink* look, like she wanted to bang him on the spot.  joe was grinning like the super dork that he is, with this look like "gee, i wonder if he'll want to grab a beer after this and chat about sports?  i'm so over all of these homos already!" stella, of course, looked like her brain was already going a mile a minute, trying to figure out to get leather and studs into the mix. and our favorite serial killer had that twinkle in her eye (and if i'm not mistaken, a bit of drool starting to form), looking like she was totally planning on how to chop the little guy up into pieces and put him in the freezer before the final judging. 

freak!

i think i'm going to have to blog about him anyway

madison hildebrand.  

swoon.

project runway: cape canaveral and the sad purple dress

i think i totally jinxed my reality tv viewing pleasure with that last post, because it only took the requisite 15-20 minutes for me to start playing othello on my iPhone, while thinking that maybe a valium and a gallon of wine actually would be far more exciting than this crap.

what a lame one! obviously i wasn't super excited about this challenge in the first place, tho admittedly was thankful that they weren't designing shiteous speed skating outfits.  (it's definitely way too soon for the wrestling challenge, part II.) 

so i'm thinking, oh yae. olympic outfits. yawn. but along the lines of other things i'd never be caught dead in, i remembered that the US postal service uniform runway show from season one was actually pretty good ~ made even better by the fact that jay's model didn't show up and austin scarlett had to model his outfit. that was bananas!

this runway show however, was NOT bananas. it was totally lame. and to make things worse, i thought that the serial killer made the most interesting outfit, while my boy daniel obviously is losing his shit early on and cranked out the most non-athletic thing ever. now i have no idea wtf is goin on, so i'm going to hold off on my predictions for a while.  i'm clearly putting a curse on everything that i like about the show.

as for the lesser of the two (thirteen) evils, jennifer's dress was obviously not atletic either, but at least it was cute. at least one person would have wanted to wear it, so i would have kept her based on that alone. however, i personally would have sent joe packing based on that kmart inspired lameness.  because it was bad enough with his bizarre definition of a "skort", but the big "USA" up the side was totally RETARDED.  it looked like a spaceship! and who in their right mind would want to parade around in that??? NO ONE.

but while the episode itself was not so entertaining, there were some brilliant quotes -- three of them, to be exact:

terri, after keith took her fabric: "a sistah gotta keep one eye open, that's all i'm sayin'."

super queen, michael kors, re: daniel's dress: "well if your sport is drinking, it's a great dress."

and heidi, with probably the best line EVER: "daniel, you missed this challenge completely. we asked for an outfit to showcase an athlete, and instead you gave us a sad, purple cocktail dress."

ha ha ha ha oh SHOOT ME.  next week better be blog-worthy, otherwise we are going to be talking about madison from million dollar listing every thursday instead.  at least boyfriend knows how to dress!

project runway: brb

sorry peeps. i'm going to need to finish this $4.00, 16.9 fl oz sugar free red bull and probably have a cup or two of coffee before i'm going to be able to write about last night's hot mess of an episode!

reality tv whore

omfg, when did this happen?!?! WHEN? clearly i wasn't paying attention, because suddenly one day i turned into my own worst nightmare.

i used to give my friends soooo much shit (jkp in particular) for watching tely every day, especially reality tv. i was very proud to say ~ and still am ~ that i have never seen one episode of the bachelor. or the bachelorette. or survivor. or amazing race. or flava of love. (i have standards, you know.)

however, now about the only thing i can say is, "well, at least i'm watching cable, not farm-fed-middle-america-wonderbread-network-crap." (as if that's any better.) tho once the biggest loser comes back on in september, even that won't be true. 

so, eh... nevermind.

so back to the hijacking of my brain... about the only time i ever watched tv was on sunday ~ 12 hours of NFL programming, to be exact. which of course is not only acceptable but totally and completely cool. (right?) then, well... well i'm not quite sure what happened. maybe it's when i got my flat screen. or maybe it was when i decided that 20 years or whatever of working out was more than enough, and that my free time would be much better spent sitting on my ass eating candy. or maybe it was the day i realized that making the band was like the most entertaining thing i had ever seen in my life. regardless, whatever was going on beforehand escalated to an ALARMING level when i got tiVo at the beginning of the year.  

behold the following ~

monday

intervention

paranormal state 

i want to work for diddy

date my ex: joe and slade

tuesday

million dollar listing

wednesday

project runway

shear genius

thursday

america's best dance crew 2

kathy griffin: my life on the d-list

friday

the soup

saturday

nothing, believe it or not

sunday

the two coreys

mad men (look ~a real tv show)

not too bad, you say? well probably because that list doesn't include all of the random shows that record in the middle of the night, like deranged (each episode is about a different serial killer) or snapped (about women who lose their shit and kill their boyfriend/ fiancee/ husband/ lover/ lover's wife). then there are all of my super geeky shows for rainman, like the universe, extreme engineering, when we left earth: the nasa missions, modern marvels or cities of the underworld. and THEN there are the shows that will soon be in the mix, or at least i wish they were: the real world/road rules challenge, making the band, the biggest loser, the new 90210, make me a supermodel (preferably the UK version), step it up and dance... ok i'm going to stop now.

however, to defend myself just a little, it is the ultimate form of a mini-escape. movies are too long and too involved for my ADD-brain, and i'm usually flipping through a magazine 15-20 minutes into it ~ getting me to pay attention to anything past that point is HUGE. 

and since "escape" for me for many years meant a either bottle+ of chardonnay, valium, xanax or god knows how many bong loads (or all of the above), i'm going to say that this is probably the least harmful out of all of my addictions. the least cool, most certainly, but at least i won't need a liver transplant at the end of it all. 

maybe just a brace for the carpel tunnel that i'm already starting to get from fast forwarding through all of the commercials.