project runway: mars attacks!

you know what's even funnier than how bad all of these outfits are from suede's show at bryant park? the look on the model's faces ~ even they can't hide how mortified they are to be wearing this shit, especially that last girl. 

you just KNOW that she was backstage thinking, omfg, how did i end up with this yahoo designer? seriously! granted, that country western parade is also pretty fuckin' tragica, and i feel especially sorry for the girl that gets stuck with that cheap-ass star spangled banner dress. but what is UP with the frock i'm wearing!?!?  i look like tinkerbell on crack! lord help me jesus, because i'm pretty sure that my non-existent career is going to be over after this one.

project runway: tick tock

so in a shocking turn of events, suede is eliminated and kenley is an annoying, bratty bitch.

(((YAWN)))

seriously, i wasn't even going to post anything this week ~ not so much because the subject matter is getting more boring by the minute, but in this instance i just simply forgot. (which really kind of sums it all up, doesn't it?) but then poor jocey may was so desperate to vent about kenley that she was forced to do that on a post about home improvement, of all things. so my dear jocey baby, this one's for you. xo!

um, where was i? oh yah, suede was thankfully sent packing and kenley is a whorebag... yes. but let's face it ~ kenley's outfit was WAY WORSE. and not just because it was far more new jersey mall rat than anything remotely hip hop (which was bad enough in itself), but i was positive that that misfire, coupled with her shitty attitude, would have sent her home for sure. 

tho i can't help but think ~ actually, KNOW ~ that the judges are still scarred from their first final four, when wendy pepper actually, by some total miracle, didn't design a southern ball gown for a 60-year old woman and won that emmy challenge, thereby leaving the uber-fabby austin scarlet out of the final. so given the potential of that scenario happening again, i'm sure their thinking was that they'd rather see 12 balenciaga rip-offs from veruca salt that some mars attacks! costume extravagaza from suede. talk about the lesser of two evils.

btw, if jerell doesn't win this year i'm going to have a coronary. i think he's the only talented and likable one of the bunch. not to mention, the thought of ever having to see or listen to the serial killer again scares me more than watching paranormal state at 1:30am. which, let me tell ya, is fuckin' SCARY.

boo!

home improvement: concept to execution

hmmm, just like my day job. 

except it's fun!

closet shopping

don't you just love when you're cleaning out your closet and you find some totally rad pair of jeans that you bought but never wore? wait, what are these? omg, i completely forgot about these true religions... how did that happen? oh yes, it was one of those these-will-be-awesome-once-i-lose-five-pounds- purchases... ugh, lord knows i have plenty of those... oh wait, they fit now? SAH-WEET!

well who knew that it worked that way with people, too? 

last night i went out with my new friend M. well, the new friend that i've actually known for 5 years. but it wasn't until we ran into each other a few weeks ago at the mayan (and ended up hanging out for the entire night) that we realized, omfg, we are soooo much alike it's scary.

 

that big epiphany prompted a proper meeting, you know, the one where you get to dust off the first date 101 book and ask all of those rudimentary questions like, "so, where did you grow up?" and "do you have any brothers or sisters?" however, those quickly evolve into totally fascinating topics like, "ooooh, you sing? i had NO idea..." and "you have fake hair?! yah, i was wondering why your head felt like a robot!"  (deep stuff, i'm tellin ya.)

so here's to new friends, old friends, and cleaning out your closet. because those rad pair of jeans are totally wasted if you don't realize you even have them. 

;)

project runway: country western is HOT

so now that the cat is out of the proverbial bag, i can thrill all of you with joe's show from bryant park! seriously, he would have been better off doing an entire line of staten island ferry wear, because this never-cool western look officially went out when? the late 80's? unbelievable!

tho actually i don't know why i'm surprised at any of this. i mean, he's still sporting a mullet and a goatee, after all.

yee haw!

ps: what the FUCK is up with that last dress?  is that supposed to represent the star spangled banner? the 4th of july? miss america? but more importantly, could you even wear that line dancing? no!!!

90210:

i totally should have (could have) written this; clearly michael k and i have the same taste in bad tely. it also reminded me how that was the best intervention EVER! seriously, i haven't been able to watch an episode since. drunks, crack heads, stoners... YAWN. all super boring when compared to the dust sniffer! sniffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff!

thanks miss heather

project runway: the pocket square

"...i never would have imagined that young people would have such old-fashioned ideas. the next thing you know she's melanie griffith and she's taking the staten island ferry. she's got on sneakers and a briefcase. 

joe's design was every bad cliche of the working girl. i mean it's just the pocket square, the pinstripes, the poorly-tailored jacket, and the wrap blouse that a bad newscaster in idaho wore in 1986."

~queen kors

real runway: christian dior couture

now THIS is a runway show! yah, i realize that we sometimes need to see clothes that people are actually going to wear, but what fun is that? 

i was checking out all of the spring ready-to-wear shows when i stumbled upon this one. soooooo fancy ~  it makes all of the rtw stuff look like shite. which in turn, then makes the sad little project runway outfits look even extra pathetic. like remember the tiki barber challenge when carmen didn't have time to finish, so she just kind of wrapped the left over material around her models neck?  omg, so tragica.  

so here's hoping that season 6 is all about couture...! oh, but season 6 is going to be on lifetime, isn't it?  the station that only airs danielle steel movies and other housewife crap...  

nevermind.

project runway: christian siriano

it looks like he's still very much into the monochromatic, the gay swashbuckler hats, super skinny models and thousands and thousands of yards of fabric.  but that's a good thing in my opinion.  his work is gorgeous, and his show looks like it was even more bananas this go around. check it out!

project runway: little miss impatient

hmmmm, what are these pictures? where are they from? well, yes, they're exactly what you think they are ~ shots from the final project runway show at bryant park this morning! (sorry, just couldn't resist from looking. and confessing.)

it's funny, because in previous seasons i wouldn't have DARED look at these. but continuing in the spirit of omg, make it fucking end already, i had zero hesitation. also, now that blayne and stella are gone i just lost about 50% of my material. so yah, why the hell not?!?

just so you know, for the most part i picked the designers final look ~ obviously those are the best and the most flamboyant. tho in a few cases i liked other outfits better, but i thought that they were too obvious as to who made them. (you know, for those of you that still give a rats ass and are going to wait this season out until the bitter end.)

si, there are six pictures. no, there aren't two from each designer. apparently they let six of these re-re's show, but three will be cut from the official competition before the televised finale. i have also read that only two peeps get cut, but no matter, because there were only two out of the six collections that were not so bueno. (gee, who could have POSSIBLY designed those???) anyway, as long as i'm not subjected to the live version of those train wrecks i'll be a semi-happy camper.

wait, are there even more than six people left right now?  i don't think so.  which btw, prompted me to initially think, oh, so THAT'S why they just did the double elimination...  they really did have to pick up the pace before bryant park.  but then i remembered reading an article about heidi and seal's glorious house in costa cayres, mexico, and something about her having to slum it in nyc for four weeks in may/june to tape this show.  point being that this shit has been over for a looooong time ~ in real life at least. wait (take II) ~ if the finale is 10/15, that means they get a MONTH to decide who wins?  huh? because let's face it, they need what ~ maybe four hours to tape and a day to edit?  and as i recall, they always tape the show immediately after the runway... so why couldn't they just start airing this stupid season earlier?  ok, ok. sorry. caring wayyyy too much right now.

so for my fellow little miss impatients, here is the link to all of the pics: http://www.wwd.com/fashion-news/project-runway-rtw-spring-2009-1776544

hey! then if ya'll watch it, we can start debating the "who should win" topic early!  which means that i can stop writing about it early! which means that perhaps i can move on to blogging about something just slightly more intelligent. 

omfg, who am i kidding?  because i just remembered that the new season of the real world/road rules challenge started this week ~ it's called "the island." and looks pretty damn scandalous if i do say so myself. *woot*!

love,

your extremely shallow amiga

project runway: double elimination!

for reals this time! so happy that obviously the judges were thinking the same thing we were. omg, this season is taking forfuckingever. time to lop off as many heads as possible. um, are you guys sure we can only eliminate two? how about four? hey! how about all of them?

so between me wishing for that last week, then it actually happening, and my crazy dream vs. the actual party attendees... wow. definitely bizarre. i'm beginning to think that my repeated viewings of paranormal state are starting to pay off.  

omg, WHAT is kenley's problem!??!  she's starting to remind me of veruca salt. yes, i am all for defending your design, but only if it's good. not, however, if your model looks like like queen elizabeth and minnie mouse's lesbian love child on a some crazy LSD trip. moreover, why she thought that she was in the position to argue with queen kors and francisco costa is beyond me. (i think michael summed it up best with, "you know, i think there is a lotttt of self-delusion happening today!!!")

my pick last night would have been suede and blayne OUT based on shiteous outfits, then terri and veruca OUT for shiteous attitudes ~ i think they both need a mayjah reality check. oh well, at least we got rid of one of them.  and at least blayne can get back to his hairdresser and tanning bed asap.

other than that, i don't have much to say about last night, tho i was just slightly alarmed to find out that i share my astro sign with veruca and korto. (lord help me jesus!) but i can promise you that veruca has her rising sign in 'arrogant' and her moon in 'annoying' or something, because there is no way ~ NO WAY ~ that she really is a true aquarian. because if she is, i'm in big fucking trouble.

oh yes. one more thing: i thought mr. monotone was quite entertaining (in an accidental sort of way) when he was pairing people up by sign. it was also very reminiscent of that fabby scene in bridget jones' diary, when shazzer was explaining to bridget, "bridge, introduce people with thoughtful details such as 'shelia, this is daniel. daniel, this is shelia. shelia enjoys horse riding and comes from new zealand. daniel enjoys publishing and comes...' " bridget: " '...all over your face?' " heh heh heh.

tim: "kenley, you're an aquarius, and you're paired up with wes, who is a scorpio. wes, kenley is completely fucking bananas and if she makes that balenciaga dress one more time i'm totally going to hurl. kenley, wes was only here for like two weeks, but at least he got a boyfriend out of the whole fiasco. he also managed to leave with his pride and reputation intact. but i'm quite positive that i don't forsee the same outcome for you, you looney bitch."

until next week...

project runway: dream finale

literally.

last night i had a dream that tonight was the finale, and the final designers were jay, austin, daniel v and either santino or allison ~ or some weird hybrid between the two. anyway, for the bryant park runway show they each had to have 9 monochromatic looks, which i find extremely funny for several reasons.

one, now that you know what i have been working on for the past two weeks you'll immediately see where that part came from. talk about your job eating your brain. and secondly, i have been working sooooooo much that i have barely watched any tely, if any ~ the precious few hours i had last weekend were spent watching NFL games and the first two discs of mad men, season 1. (which, btw, is NOT a good show to go on a dvd bender with. it's kinda like wine ~ something you sip, definitely not something you beer bong.) moving right along... 

hell, i'm suprised i even knew what day it was.  which is actually kind of scary, because it means that my subconscious really IS brainwashed from all of this tragic tv. sigh. but now that i think about it, i recall corey haim's shrink saying that your subconscious really does all of your thinking anyway...

see? reality tv is educational after all! ok, i feel much better now.

the turks & caicos countdown...

starts now.

d - 40!

geek

boy did i looove picture day back in elementary school! i'd wear my favorite sears catalog dress, and my mum would spend quite a bit of time 'doing' my hair. (which apparently in 3rd grade, also meant going for a  little orphan annie look while she was at it.) um, not really sure what she was thinking with that one. anyway...

since i wasn't rockin' the britney's back then, my hair would only hold the curl for a few hours. so i'd sleep in those pink sponge roller thingies, and then as i was marching off to escuela, get very strict instructions about not combing my hair with those little black combs they would hand out right beforehand. in fact, i remember being slightly stressed out on this day that one of my ponytails was starting to fall before the other, so i tried to "rest" it on my shoulder in order to make it look like the other side. tho evidently by the time i got in front of the camera, that little plan went straight to hell in a handbasket. 

but hey!  at least my barrettes match my dress! ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha OMG. so gay.

project runway: double elimination!

*i wish*

and i know that's what ya'll were thinking too when miss leatha and the guido were standing on the runway... just take both of them out now, while you can. PLEASE! 

truthfully i thought that joe's outfit was quiet possibly the most hideous thing i had ever seen in my entire life, but from a personal standpoint at least i can tune him out. on the other hand, stella's voice drives me INSANE, so i definitely think they made the right decision. later sk8ter!

and once again, we had some pretty funny quotes this week. first, holla at ya boy blayne with: "my first thought about a fashion legend was mary-kate olsen. i want every challenge to be about mary-kate. i want to marry mary-kate. who doesn't? i mean, besides tim gunn..." and then with an obvious attempt at simply getting air time: "diane's gonna loooove my look. i saw her give me a little googly eye when i first met her. what can i say? she loves a tan. so it's in the bag." first of all, blayney, fashion "legends" are NOT 23 years old, you idiot. and no, diane does NOT "love a tan." she was actually completely mortified by that stupid blue terry cloth headband you were sportin' for three days straight. or most likely, she thought you were retarded and just felt sorry for you. lord knows that i do most of the time.

then queen kors to stella: "um, the pant? hello?!?! it looks like she's got a little somethin' missin' if you know what i mean!"

and finally, leanne, with probably my most favorite moment in project runway history, as she was running around the room apparently playing hide and seek with herself: "wow, i would love to be a spy. secret agent leanne. and then. hunt. everyone. down. like. an. animal." omg, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH HER??? she's totally loco! i must have replayed that scene five or six times, because it's almost as if she is reading drametia.com and thinking, ok, i need to give tia and her pals a true serial killer moment.  (because i know that ya'll thought of me when this happened.) totally & completely brilliant.

btw, do we have a new theme emerging? the cry baby one? barf. chicks and fags, always crying. i can't take it anymore!  the only person i don't ever envision crying is terri, probably because she is neither of the above... heh heh.

so since the whole cast is clearly bananas, i'm going to pretend that i watched the show on mute...

leanne's  dress was GORGE. i loved it.  she really IS talented, despite the massive amounts of screws loose in her cabeza.  korto's dress was beautiful too ~ so glad she didn't listen to mr. monotone and ended up keeping the yellow flair.

so. at this point, if i were forced to watch an entire collection from any three of these yahoos (which i will be), right now i'd have to say that i'd choose leanne, korto and... jerell. 

thoughts?

project mayhem

so somehow in between my (currently) crazy day job, painting my casa bright pink and watching a crap load of tragic tely, i managed to draft the most AWESOME fantasy football team yet! holla!

but of course i say that now... check back and see how i'm feeling about things come sunday night. but more importantly, i'm also the commish this year. which to me means that i finally get to send out emails every monday to the boys and babble endlessly about the players/games/stats/bullshit calls by the refs. 

so to you, my friends, that means that you will be more or less spared from this topic.  

thankfuckinggod, right!?!

90210, part deux

you KNEW this one was coming, didn't you? 

no worries, i don't plan on writing about it every week. that is, unless i find that we are all watching this glorious train wreck and it warrants a better weekly discussion than project runway.  because the other continuous topic choices right now are nfl football, million dollar listing, intervention or paranormal state... yah, my point exactly.

miss h knew i was working late (plus she had a three hour head start) so i told her to let me know if it was worth watching, tho it only took her about 20 minutes to send me a text that said, "omg, don't bother. it's unspeakably awful! but i don't have cable so there is nothing else to watch." of course i didn't find this the least bit shocking. so when i came home to find that my poor little tiVo was maxed out thanks to some extreme engineering marathon in high def, i thought about deleting 90210 and not watching it at all. then thought, well gosh, i should at least watch the first 15 minutes... omg, it really is that bad... in fact, i think it might even be worse... ok, just ten more minutes... omg, this drunk grandma is fucking over the top!... ok, maybe just the first hour...

needless to say i watched the entire two hours, because after the first half hour or so, it went from being "positively awful" to "so bad it's good" ~ kinda like showgirls. besides, remember how lame the first sex and the city was? or the first episode of friends?  and this is coming from the girl who SWORE after watching the super lame original beverly hills 90210 premiere back in 1990 that she would never, ever watch it again. 

well, eh, it obviously picked up just a bit, didn't it? because steph and i proceeded to watch it religiously for the next five years straight. we even cried when dylan's dad died in that car bomb incident. total sadness!

so for those of you who got sucked in like i did, here are some of my thoughts:

1. could they have crammed more drametia into the first episode? lord!  they really should have spread it out a bit, because at this rate they are going to run out of (good) plot lines by week 5.  they especially could have milked the principal's-mystery-child-and-subsequent-confession-to-the-wifey for AT LEAST three episodes. but instead he was like, "oh btw, remember that total drunk whorebag ex-girlfriend of mine that was over here the other night? well wouldn't you know it! turns out we have some kid. ha! who knew? so yah, should we just move back to kanas now?" hilarious!

2. omg, that singing/dancing/school play rehearsal was RETARDED. right on par with the time that color me badd serenaded donna. remember that gayness?

3. the teacher is hot hot hot. and i have a feeling that ethan is going to grow on me ~ probably because he is playing "the jerk".

4. speaking of dylan, i think he is kelly's baby daddy, not brandon. (which would be fucking AWESOME.)

5. could the girls in the cast be ANY skinnier?  especially annie and silver. omfg, i was completely transfixed by these new pro-ana poster kids. and i never think anyone is too skinny, tho i think i've changed my mind about that after seeing annie.

6. the "adopted black kid who is also the new principal's son" plot line is obviously such a complete afterthought in their efforts for 'racial diversity'. it's pathetic.  the kid is also a total goob. hopefully he'll have a limited role.

7. i LOVED how andrea's geeky daughter (hannah zuckerman-vasquez) got a ten-second shout out as the daily newscaster. one, i literally laughed out loud when she said, "hello, y buenas dias west beverly!!!!" and two, after the hot teacher watched that little intro, immediately turned off the tv and said "hello? what is she, like 30?" ha ha! niiiiice!

8. not that the acting was even at a bad soap opera level, but when jennie garth and shannen met for "milkshakes" and finally saw each other after all of those years.... christ! they could not even remotely disguise how much they disliked each other in real life. no wonder the scene was like four minutes long, if that. positively horrendous.

9. when the "new kelly taylor" befriended "the new brenda walsh", then invited her to a party, then realized she didn't have any clothes and/or money... um hi. you did that already. literally. i'm not kidding when i say that i think it was a verbatim rip off from the pilot script 18 years ago. which is almost as lame as me noticing that fact.

10. speaking of showgirls, that naomi character reminds me a lot of elizabeth berkley's character in that same movie... WAIT!?!?!  wasn't her name naomi too? no way. too funny. especially since they are probably the two worst actresses, EVER. hmmmm... coincidence? or self-depricating subliminal humor?

god it's brilliant, actually, now that i think about it. i'm already looking forward to next week's car crash. until then!

/t$

hello fiery fuchsia

woot!