project runway: (((sweat beads)))

yes, i was dying last night. i obviously had some serious heart palpitations and major sweat beads going on when logan and epperson were on the chopping block. because let's face it ~ logan's oktoberfest costume was a million times worse. in fact, i think it was quite possibly the most hideous thing i have ever seen in five seasons.

i think we all knew that logan was in BIG trouble before he even left mood. i'm sorry dude, but you can't buy a fabric just because it's cheaper, or because you're getting extra yardage from it. because shit is shit! which means that you certainly don't need MORE of it. lord. not to mention his crazy idea that wool and wedding dress fabric went really well together... omfg.

but i can't even get in to how mortified i was by the rest of this concoction... it's too painful. but suffice it to say that when the two of them were standing there in front of the judges i thought, oh boy. that's it. he's d-o-n-e. i'm really sad that i won't be seeing his angelic face anymore, but he fucking SUCKS... but then i immediately thought, ohhhhh no, they won't get rid of him! they are going to save his ass again just like they did when he made that wretched prom dress. c'mon, they have to know that's why 90% of the straight girls and 100% of the gay guys are still watching this piece of crap season. they will save him... yes they will!

uh huh. all of that really went thru my head in a mere 15 seconds. impressive or frightening? you decide!

project runway: swamp thing

yahhhhhhhh that dress was totally flippin' hideous, wasn't it?!?!? and you know it's bad if it's a costume challenge and you still somehow manage to fuck that up. seriously, this is probably the one and only time you can get away with all of that crazy shit that's floating around in your head. and let's face it, this disco reptile fabric was not going to look good as a jumpsuit OR a dress OR as anything. EVER.

and is it just me, or do y'all get the impression that they are keeping logan on the show just because he's hot? (i know that's why i'm still watching.) obviously his designs are hardly mind-blowing. hell, they're not even good. but if he goes home, the fan club goes away. which means the ratings go down. (presuming it's even rating at all at this point.)

however, i will probably also stop watching if he starts slinging hash with carol hannah. seriously, who names their kid carol hannah? that's just way too strawberry shortcake for me. besides, i think that logan needs to hook up with amanda, the model that got stuck wearing the garden-frog-on-acid-dress. (c'mon, if the clothes are going to suck, at least they can update the drama quotient... right?) because really, even the worst season of the real world is still pretty entertaining.

just sayin'.

project runway: the logan show

ok, how scared was i last night when super babe was *this close* to getting kicked off the show... well, very scared.

oh his dress was totally hiddy, don't get me wrong. and he was getting wayyyy too much air time this week, which always means one of two things: 1) he has one of the top designs or 2) he has one of the shiteous designs. and it certainly didn't take me more than, oh, sixty seconds, to figure out which group he was going to end up in.

(((sweat beads)))

but forget about that bad prom-dress-on-acid. let's talk about how they have been starting off each episode with a quick shot of him getting ready in the morning. with wet hair. shirtless. in tight silver pants.

*drool*

and i don't know if michael kors is on some big gay cruise or something, but i miss him. however, thankfully this week they had that bitch-on-wheels stylist to be shitty for him. omg, she was mean. and brilliant. and i loved every second of it! tho i especially liked how right before she gave logan hell, she couldn't help herself and just had to say, "well, i will say that you are reallllly cute. and i really like your silver pants and shoes. nice. now, about that dress..."

and you wonder why i have social anxiety issues...

well you won't be wondering anymore. trust me on this one. just behold the following two *super fun* conversations from my friend's wedding on saturday night:

conversation #1: annoying drunk boy

omfg, this guy would NOT leave me alone. i haven't had one of 'these' people in a while ~ you know, the annoying, drunk, straight boy who you wouldn't go out with in a million trillion years, but for some unknown reason he still thinks he has a chance. completely delusional. i don't get it! (especially when they take this said "chance" and make things 1,000x worse by totally acting like a freak.) or perhaps he was just retarded. hmmm... drunk? retarded? drunk? retarded? (my friend hp thinks it was both.) seriously, he was probably the biggest LOSER i have ever met in my entire life. he kept asking me incredibly stupid things (with way too much enthusiasm), things like, 'so! what is your philosophy on photography?' and "so! where does your photographic inspiration come from, and would you say that this was an innate or learned quality from your experience? well? i am fascinated to hear your answer!' yah, WEIRDO. of course hp and jk had totally moved away from us at this point, leaving me to fend for myself... i was dying. but then he finally got up and left, which brought the unanimous reaction of "whew! gone! FINALLY! omfg, what is up with that guy? soooooo f***ing creepy." but, OH NO. ten minutes later he was back. torture. which means that clearly he only left to go up and ask the groom about me, because he comes back with the following:

boy: so! i did some recon on you! heh heh heh

me: uhhh, awesome.

boy: interesting...

me: ok, lay it on me.

boy: well, one, you're jewish. yay!! because you don't look jewish.

me. well that's probably because i'm an athiest.

boy: oh, ok! well i also heard that you used to date a lot, but now you've sworn off men!

me: um, i wouldn't say that's true either. it just depends who's asking... (but since you're the one asking, the answer is yes, i have. ABSOFUCKINLUTELY!)

boy: oh, ok! i also heard that normally you're the life of the party, so it's really weird that you aren't being social tonight!

me: ha! actually, no ~ that isn't weird at all. in fact, this is totally par for the course. um, are you sure you were asking about the right person? because you are way off in this little 'recon mission' of yours, amigo. way off.

omg, someone please helppppppppp meeeeeeeeeeeee...

conversation #2: scary psycho chick

so at 10:00 (ok, 9:45), we agree that it's totally acceptable to leave by this point, so i run to the back room to get our coats while hp and jk pull the car around front. tho right as i'm walking past this table full of kappas (the bride's sorority, not mine), this girl named adrienne stops me and says, "hiiiii! omg t, you look EXACTLY the same. what have you done?"

me: done? as in work?

A: oh i'm just kidding. hahahahaha!

me: uh, yah. of course. you were always super funny, adrienne! and a total drunk whorebag, but i digress...

A: but more importantly, do you remember HER? (pointing to some girl)

me: um, no. sorry... it's all blurring together after 20-whatever years...

A: well! you stole her prom date!

girl: yah, hi. did you used to go to nautilus aerobics plus in encino?

me: eh, yah. in like 1986. i worked there, actually.

girl: oh, ok, because you went to prom with martin.... omg, how do you pronounce his last name?

me: eh, i don't even know his last name...

girl: well whatever. anyway, you went to prom with him but he was supposed to take me! i mean we had totally talked about going, then all of a sudden there was this GIRL from his GYM going with him instead. but you know, don't worry. i mean, it's not like i was in love with him. it's not like you ruined my life.

me: uh, clearly not. so did you go to... birmingham? uh, yah. i remember. martin and i both worked at the gym, he didn't have a date to his prom so i said i'd go. and truthfully, if i hadn't just come across the picture of me getting into his blue trans am with a bunch of coors lights, i'm not sure i'd even remember what you were talking about... but wait! as a matter of fact, i have the pic right here on my iPhone... check it out.

girl: why do you have that picture?!?!?

me: facebook, girlie. it's in my "i heart the 80's" album. totally fuckin' rad. get a load of that hair!

girl: blink blink

me: well, gee, how's that for ironic? anyhoo, glad i didn't ruin your life! just kidding, but really, i, um, have to go now. cheers girls.

seriously, i couldn't make this shit up if i wanted to.

the return of project runway

wow. talk about not knowing where to start...

um, it's back! ha! seriously, is it just me, or does it feel like it's been on hiatus for YEARS instead of months? it was a little surreal watching it just now, i must admit. i'll also admit to cheating on PR with that craptastic spin off, the fashion show. now that show was b-a-d, but of course i watched every single episode. even tho at first, all i could think of was, oh man, this poor people's version of project runway sucks ASS. and why is kelly rowland considered qualified to judge? because girlfriend has been rockin' house of dereon clothes for the past ten years. and we all know that the house of dereon belongs one place and one place only, and that's the fox hills mall! and moreover, doesn't issac mizrahi design clothes for f***ing target? TARGET? and y'all know much i LOVE target... meh!

but then see what happens? the good reality tv show about fashion designers goes away, and you have to settle for the bad reality tv show about fashion designers. then next thing you know, you are used to the bad reality tv show about fashion designers, so when the good reality tv show about fashion designers comes back on, you think, oh this lifetime version of 'the fashion show' sucks ASS.

but y'all know that i will watch (and blog) about project runway until the bitter end, so let's get started.

i think i've mentioned this before, but since it's been seven years since last season ended i'll mention it again: i take notes. it makes it a lot easier to write about, and sometimes the notes are just funny in and of themselves. because as we've already discussed, my brain is like a bad neighborhood ~ you don't want to go in there alone.

note #1: "house is rad! looks like the next season of the real world." sooooooo much nicer, isn't it? they must have twice the production budget they had before. then i remembered that they were in downtown LA now, not NYC. then i also remembered that the production company that does the real world is also doing this. ahhhhh, check.

note #2: "logan = fuckin' BABE." he better make it until fashion week! i don't care WHAT his clothes look like. he could design crap like suede did last season and i'd still want him to win. *swoon*

note #3: "weho meth snorter - shocking." actually, he never said if he was a snorter or smoker (or mainliner), but i'm going to guess smoker, despite what my notes say. and talk about a stereotype (gay guy addicted to meth)... yep, this is definitely being produced (casted?) by the real world peeps.

note #4: "yugoslavian tranny." well no need to restate the obvious.

note #5: "asian guy with an 80's mullet & tail. wtf?" see above.

note #6: "nicolas: 'chiffon, lace, feathers & champagne!' ugh. totally gay." and as a side note, did you happen to see him during judging? he had that crazy serial killer look going on, and he also had some major sweat beads. tho i guess it wouldn't be project runway without a serial killer now, would it? i can also tell that he's totally going to suck. not so much because he's known for designing with chiffon, lace, feathers & champagne, but because he seemed really proud of it. loser.

note #7: "mitchell. looks like a cuter perez hilton. totally gay." hmmm, i sense a theme emerging.

note#8: "bob marley." you thought the same thing, right!?!? i totally know that you did.

note #9: "mia farrow in rosemary's baby." jeez. i was ok with her actually, up until she said she didn't sketch and decided to do a handstand instead. freak. and wtf was up with her outfit? it looked like a box of crayons threw up on her. i already knew her stuff was going to suck, simply based on these two things alone. and sure enough, freaky mc freakster sends her model down the runway looking like a spaceship. auf wiedersehen, mia. don't let the door hit you on the way out!

note #10: "dynasty? falcon's crest? or wait. ABBA." i was highly suspicious of this girl when i saw her. she does NOT look like a designer. she looks like a whorebag. omg, she better not hit on logan!! oh she is totally going to. slut.

so apparently those were the noteworthy peeps in my mind. now on to the actual show.

what is up with all of the crying!!?!? first the crack baby was sobbing like an 8-year old to tim gunn, and tim was suddenly playing concerned child psychologist, and i'm thinking wtf is this? i don't want to see this! if i want to see crying and drama i have 'daisy of love' and 'america's best dance crew' and plenty of other shitty shows to watch, thanks. then that guy that won couldn't keep it together either. i'm over both of them already. as people. but their dresses weren't that bad. i actually liked the winning dress. but i'm not sure it was worth all of the drametia.

OF COURSE lindsay lohan was the guest judge! the real world producers put yet another stamp on this season. which means that paris hilton is next week, and maybe britney the week after that... gee, i bet each week will be just like reading tmz! but seriously, it katie price shows up one week i'm going to have a coronary. (unless she's judging the drag queen costume challenge, that is. because that would be RAD.)

and ok, further proof that it has been a loooooong time in between seasons: michael kors and nina garcia look all kinds of beat up. queen kors alone was wearing enough make up to sink a ship!!! and the scary part is that bravo is in HD, lifetime is not. which means that he probably looks ten times worse in real life than he does on the show. yikes. however, i must say that i was pleased that he was staying true to having one "shitty not funny" comment each week. and this week there were two! bonus! first, re: mitchell's scary see-through dress (which my notes, btw, say, oh lindsey is going to love this one ~ and apparently i was right) "instead of the red carpet, she looks like she should be in her house next to the fire sipping a brandy!" and then this quote re: mia farrow's spaceship, which i'm sure you recall because it was f***ing awesome: "she looks like a disco soccer ball. meh!"

yay! clap clap!!!

so even though i was totally underwhelmed by the clothes, i was pleased with MK's snarky commentary, and of course by the fact that there is a total babe for once. one who might even be straight. yep, this is definitely being produced by some MTV peeps for SURE.

until next week, amigos...

t$

cooper island

so before i continue on with the party like it's 1983! series, i want to backtrack for a minute regarding the oh-so-important music thing, and what is (well, up until this weekend) my most elaborate playlist to date: cooper island.

a few years ago, a fellow music-loving co-worker and i were talking about about songs that you listen to over and over and over and OVER... you know, the ones where you'll keep hitting the repeat button as you’re simultaneously thinking, ok, only ONE more time. i don't want to ever get sick of this song. ever! but then of course you can't help yourself, and you'll listen to it over and over and over and OVER until yes, you do end up getting tired of it. that, or you've already found the next ‘favorite’.

so this conversation evolved into, “ok, so if you were stranded on a deserted island and could make just ONE CD to bring, what songs would be on there?” the only self-imposed rules to this assignment were: 1) just one song per band or artist and 2) it had to fit on an audio CD (1.2 hours.)

in looking at it now, i had forgotten how detailed it was and how much work i put into it. the front and back covers are albums/songs/bands that i wanted to represent that didn't make it to the cd. then the first inside gatefold is a little tia-personality-via-aquarian-stereotype-background info. then the next gatefold is why i like music so much, and how i narrowed down the songs. then all of THAT opens up to this HUGE poster, where i explained why these particular tracks made it to the island... lord. i think i spent about a week writing it, then i met mark in his office one sunday so we could put it all together.

so here it is. cooper island. enjoy.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"the myth: aquarians are often painted as cold, robotic characters who have no heart and no passion. they are, we are told, entirely intellectual in their make up. like mr. spock, they can only think, they cannot feel. they are aloof, distant, uncaring. they are also reputed to be insanely eccentric. the truth: there’s no denying the eccentric bit, and aquarians are fiercely proud of their idiosyncrasies. in truth though, their disposition is the very antithesis of ambivalent. it’s because they are so inwardly vulnerable that they hide their feelings behind a mask of indifference. for much the same reason, aquarians are very sociable. they figure as long as they are discussing ideas rather than emotions, they will be able to distract others from the true intensity of their passionate hearts."

my friends and i joke about the fact that emotionally, i’ve pretty much always lived in a castle... one out in the middle of nowhere, drawbridge up, guards on duty, fire-breathing dragons...ok, ok, so it’s not that bad. (see? how aquarian of me. instead of immediately pouring my soul into this intro, i have to sidetrack you first.)

honestly, it’s a very safe place to reside, but i don’t always want to be “safe.” because feeling one way, yet presenting something entirely different, gets to be exhausting after a while. but sometimes crossing the gap between the castle and the outside world seems far too wide to think about, let alone attempt. so i guess it’s no surprise then that music has always been such a huge part of my life, and very often fills that void. it’s been my link, my release, and many times, my escape.

in some ways it’s more interesting to note what i left off of this cd rather than what i’ve put on it. i’ve obviously veered away from the ‘extremes’ of my moods: metallica (wretched day at work, angry stage of break up.) the smiths (wallowing endlessly in dark and cavernous mind space.) dj manny lehman (circuit world, the ultimate escape.)

so these had to be more than just favorites. they had to be songs you could listen to over and over, yet still love and/or relate to as much as you did that very first time. (and i’m pretty confident that limp bizkit’s “break stuff” is not one of those songs.)

(don’t fear) the reaper/blue oyster cult

i didn’t discover this song until fairly recently. i was too young when it was first released, and was never a big fan of 70’s rock in general. then a few years ago, i heard a cover version as the credits were rolling over the end of a movie. wow. right then and there it vaulted straight to the top of my list.

sympathy/goo goo dolls

i can completely relate to anything that johnny reznick writes; after eight or so albums it’s obvious that he and i live in the same conflicted state of mind. i love the simplicity of this song, but ultimately chose it because i feel like i could have written it. because i could hand these lyrics to someone i’ve known for ten years or ten minutes and say, “here, this is me. totally. thanks for coming to the castle."

i will follow/u2

1981. KROQ just went on the air, and when i tuned in that old-school dial to 106.7, this was the first song i heard. loved the song, loved the band, loved the station. this is also the same year that MTV launched, and both turned out to be a huge influence on my taste in music for many years.

heaven must be missing an angel/tavares

in my late twenties, my friend stephanie and i would go to the diamond club every saturday night, drink far too many vodka cranberries, and dance to disco music until 3am. hearing this song reminds me of one of my very best friends, and very best years, of my life.

good/better than ezra

funny that i put these songs next to each other, because on the rare saturday nights that we weren’t at the diamond club, steph and i were at dragonfly, a small bar/club way on the outskirts of hollywood. we usually only broke routine and went there because better than ezra was performing, back when they were just a struggling band from new orleans.

crackin’ rosie/neil diamond

my mom loooved this album, and i used to BEG her to play this song first. then we’d sing along at the top of our lungs, while dancing around in our oh-so-70’s living room, complete with navy blue shag carpet. (you know, the kind you had to rake instead of vacuum.) in fact, i can still belt this tune out and sound just like neil! but admittedly only when i’m surrounded by the safety and privacy of my car stereo.

alex chilton/the replacements

nothing truly deep and meaningful to say about this one, but it obviously made it to ‘the island’ for a reason.

reptile/the church

a completely intoxicating, beautiful, and mesmerizing song. the cd overall wasn’t very interesting (nor was the band for that matter) but this track is eternal.

sky high/jigsaw

this is one of those songs that you secretly love, but always forget about because you rarely ever hear it. and if/when you finally do, you’re usually around other people so you have to act cool and pretend like you’re not really listening. so when this song came on the radio recently, i was thankfully and finally alone. sweeeeet! which of course made me want to sing along, but since i haven’t heard it enough to do so, this resulted in the standard making up and/or ‘guessing-the-lyrics-as-you-go-along’ thing. (always very comical.) so this whole faux-singing episode resulted in me now being desperate to find out who the artist was, which was immediately followed by insane amounts of research to discover that it was… “jigsaw? WHO?!? how is it possible that i have NEVER ONCE heard of this band? are they from, like, iceland or something?”

reap the wild wind/ultravox

in high school, sneaking out of my house to go dancing on a school night was a pretty common occurrence. but don’t even ask me how we danced to songs like this, though i vaguely recall a lot of lip-synching and acting out the lyrics, a very popular “dance move” at the time. yikes.

just in time/tony bennett

love him.

spiderwebs/no doubt

gwen, gwen, gwen… i definitely want to be her in my next life. i absolutely love her voice; it’s beautiful, but has just enough of an edge. she’s feminine, but still totally kicks ass. obviously she’s gorgeous, but she’s not some generic by-product of the OC. and lyrically she’s an open book, but when she gets up on stage to perform, you forget all about her vulnerability and how deeply personal it is. she’s the coolest chick, ever.

rain in the summertime/the alarm

if you simply asked me, “do you like this song? what does it mean to you?” my answer would be “yes, and i have absolutely no idea.” however, when i hear it, instantly i feel as if i’m lying on my bed after high school, probably in one of my “moods”, when all i could deal with was writing in my diary and listening to KROQ. then this song would come on and make me really happy. for about five minutes.

livin’ on a prayer/bon jovi

i used to have a life-size poster of jon bon jovi in my bedroom. he was leaning against a brick wall in an alley, one foot up, big teased hair, ripped jeans and oh that smile … ok, stop laughing! i obviously wasn’t the only girl that thought he was hot. but hey, at least i actually liked his music too. i’ve seen them in concert six or seven times, but am always extra geeked out when they play this song.

but not tonight/depeche mode

this song almost makes me want to put down the drawbridge for good. almost.

on with the show/motley crue

i was clearly absorbed by KROQ music and silly dance songs up until late 1984, which is when i moved in with my dad, his wife, and her 14 year-old son, bill. bill was a total stoner, a royal pain in the ass, and a huge fan of “the crue.” he’d play this tape endlessly until it drove me insane, but apparently i was subliminally being brainwashed at the same time. because next thing you knew, soft cell was out and motley crue was in. my favorite band. lord. it was like jumping off of a cliff.

in between days/the cure

ok, at this point it’s obvious that i have a few common denominators going on: 1980-something? check. melodic and semi-depressing lyrics? check. lead singer who is either hot and/or has big hair and/or wears make up? check.

don’t change/inxs

oh brother. “please see notes on previous track”? how lame is that!?!?

the zephyr song/red hot chili peppers

when you’ve liked a band for 25 years, it’s exceptionally difficult to narrow it down to just one song, especially when that band created a new genre of music that was a fusion of so many others before it. but ultimately i chose this one because i think it best embodies the evolution of their style, even though truly i’m a fan of the old school chili peppers, when their albums sounded like demo-tapes.

moon river/henry mancini

remember when mr. big was about to move to napa, and he and carrie were slow dancing to this song in his empty apartment? sniff sniff. wait, i never cry. how did that happen!? maybe it was too much chardonnay. or maybe it’s because i don’t know if this song makes me utterly happy or completely depressed. either way, i love how dreamy the music is. also, anything that can get that deep into the castle is quite impressive, isn’t it?