90210, part deux

you KNEW this one was coming, didn't you? 

no worries, i don't plan on writing about it every week. that is, unless i find that we are all watching this glorious train wreck and it warrants a better weekly discussion than project runway.  because the other continuous topic choices right now are nfl football, million dollar listing, intervention or paranormal state... yah, my point exactly.

miss h knew i was working late (plus she had a three hour head start) so i told her to let me know if it was worth watching, tho it only took her about 20 minutes to send me a text that said, "omg, don't bother. it's unspeakably awful! but i don't have cable so there is nothing else to watch." of course i didn't find this the least bit shocking. so when i came home to find that my poor little tiVo was maxed out thanks to some extreme engineering marathon in high def, i thought about deleting 90210 and not watching it at all. then thought, well gosh, i should at least watch the first 15 minutes... omg, it really is that bad... in fact, i think it might even be worse... ok, just ten more minutes... omg, this drunk grandma is fucking over the top!... ok, maybe just the first hour...

needless to say i watched the entire two hours, because after the first half hour or so, it went from being "positively awful" to "so bad it's good" ~ kinda like showgirls. besides, remember how lame the first sex and the city was? or the first episode of friends?  and this is coming from the girl who SWORE after watching the super lame original beverly hills 90210 premiere back in 1990 that she would never, ever watch it again. 

well, eh, it obviously picked up just a bit, didn't it? because steph and i proceeded to watch it religiously for the next five years straight. we even cried when dylan's dad died in that car bomb incident. total sadness!

so for those of you who got sucked in like i did, here are some of my thoughts:

1. could they have crammed more drametia into the first episode? lord!  they really should have spread it out a bit, because at this rate they are going to run out of (good) plot lines by week 5.  they especially could have milked the principal's-mystery-child-and-subsequent-confession-to-the-wifey for AT LEAST three episodes. but instead he was like, "oh btw, remember that total drunk whorebag ex-girlfriend of mine that was over here the other night? well wouldn't you know it! turns out we have some kid. ha! who knew? so yah, should we just move back to kanas now?" hilarious!

2. omg, that singing/dancing/school play rehearsal was RETARDED. right on par with the time that color me badd serenaded donna. remember that gayness?

3. the teacher is hot hot hot. and i have a feeling that ethan is going to grow on me ~ probably because he is playing "the jerk".

4. speaking of dylan, i think he is kelly's baby daddy, not brandon. (which would be fucking AWESOME.)

5. could the girls in the cast be ANY skinnier?  especially annie and silver. omfg, i was completely transfixed by these new pro-ana poster kids. and i never think anyone is too skinny, tho i think i've changed my mind about that after seeing annie.

6. the "adopted black kid who is also the new principal's son" plot line is obviously such a complete afterthought in their efforts for 'racial diversity'. it's pathetic.  the kid is also a total goob. hopefully he'll have a limited role.

7. i LOVED how andrea's geeky daughter (hannah zuckerman-vasquez) got a ten-second shout out as the daily newscaster. one, i literally laughed out loud when she said, "hello, y buenas dias west beverly!!!!" and two, after the hot teacher watched that little intro, immediately turned off the tv and said "hello? what is she, like 30?" ha ha! niiiiice!

8. not that the acting was even at a bad soap opera level, but when jennie garth and shannen met for "milkshakes" and finally saw each other after all of those years.... christ! they could not even remotely disguise how much they disliked each other in real life. no wonder the scene was like four minutes long, if that. positively horrendous.

9. when the "new kelly taylor" befriended "the new brenda walsh", then invited her to a party, then realized she didn't have any clothes and/or money... um hi. you did that already. literally. i'm not kidding when i say that i think it was a verbatim rip off from the pilot script 18 years ago. which is almost as lame as me noticing that fact.

10. speaking of showgirls, that naomi character reminds me a lot of elizabeth berkley's character in that same movie... WAIT!?!?!  wasn't her name naomi too? no way. too funny. especially since they are probably the two worst actresses, EVER. hmmmm... coincidence? or self-depricating subliminal humor?

god it's brilliant, actually, now that i think about it. i'm already looking forward to next week's car crash. until then!

/t$